At the beginning of 2019 I was super happy. At least as happy as I could be in a world facing impending doom and the depressing mess that is Brexit here in the UK. It felt like life was finally coming together and that I’d found my place in the world. I had nearly everything I had ever wanted with a positive future set out.
But then a week into January a bad thing happened that threatened my future, my security and my confidence. My confidence has been irreparably damaged, I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever quite get it back. I learnt several truths about myself then. It turns out I hadn’t found my place, that I live in a society where I don’t quite fit.
Then in the following months two more bad things happened.
I thought I’d finally made it but then all these things crashed down around me. Making what I thought would be the best year yet into quite possibly one of the worst. Having the ground crumble beneath you and seeing your happiness shatter is perhaps worse than never having achieved it in the first place.
But then the fourth bad thing happened and put all those into perspective.
My partner, hundreds of miles away, was in a very serious car accident on Thursday night. A speeding car hit the back of my partner’s car on a dual carriageway sending his car careering into the central reservation, and lodging under the barrier facing incoming traffic. Every part of the car was wrecked, especially the windscreen and roof. All the glass smashed raining down on him as powder.
As I can see it the only thing that saved him was sheer luck. If any element of that crash had been different he could have easily been paralysed or killed. One young driver’s carelessness on a dark quiet road could have taken away everything. The love of my life could have been gone, just like that.
It’s insane how your loved ones, everything that’s really important can be taken away from you in an instant. It’s insane how we take things for granted, we assume that what and who we have now will always be there.
Bad things happen in life and they can dwarf everything. Me and my partner were both struggling. It felt like there was no hope and that we were drowning. But we were given a sign. Because the bad things that have happened this year aren’t that bad really, not in comparison to what could have happened.
They are still difficult challenges to face and hopefully overcome. It won’t be easy. But we have a future, one that was so nearly snatched from us. A future which doesn’t seem as scary anymore. And that’s all that really matters.